Write the words of this act the way you think they should read. Solon shows your change as a redline against the published text and pins it to that exact text, so it can never be applied to wording you did not see.
Change 1
As published
207 Territorial application of this Act
(1) This Act applies only to processing of personal data described in subsections (1A) and (2).
(1A) In the case of the processing of personal data to which Part 2 (the UK GDPR) applies, it applies to the types of such processing to which the UK GDPR applies by virtue of Article 3 of the UK GDPR.
(2) In the case of the processing of personal data to which Part 2 does not apply, it applies where such processing is carried out in the context of the activities of an establishment of a controller or processor in the United Kingdom, whether or not the processing takes place in the United Kingdom.
(3) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
(4) Subsections (1), (1A) and (2) have effect subject to any provision in or made under section 120 providing for the Commission to carry out functions in relation to other processing of personal data.
(5) Section 3(14)(c) does not apply to the reference to the processing of personal data in subsection (2).
(6) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
(7) In this section, references to a person who has an establishment in the United Kingdom include the following—
(a) an individual who is ordinarily resident in the United Kingdom,
(b) a body incorporated under the law of the United Kingdom or a part of the United Kingdom,
(c) a partnership or other unincorporated association formed under the law of the United Kingdom or a part of the United Kingdom, and
(d) a person not within paragraph (a), (b) or (c) who maintains, and carries on activities through, an office, branch or agency or other stable arrangements in the United Kingdom,
....
Your change, as a redline
207 Territorial application of this Act
(1) This Act applies only to processing of personal data described in subsections (1A) and (2).
(1A) In the case of the processing of personal data to which Part 2 (the UK GDPR) applies, it applies to the types of such processing to which the UK GDPR applies by virtue of Article 3 of the UK GDPR.
(2) In the case of the processing of personal data to which Part 2 does not apply, it applies where such processing is carried out in the context of the activities of an establishment of a controller or processor in the United Kingdom, whether or not the processing takes place in the United Kingdom.
(3) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
(4) Subsections (1), (1A) and (2) have effect subject to any provision in or made under section 120 providing for the Commission to carry out functions in relation to other processing of personal data.
(5) Section 3(14)(c) does not apply to the reference to the processing of personal data in subsection (2).
(6) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
(7) In this section, references to a person who has an establishment in the United Kingdom include the following—
(a) an individual who is ordinarily resident in the United Kingdom,
(b) a body incorporated under the law of the United Kingdom or a part of the United Kingdom,
(c) a partnership or other unincorporated association formed under the law of the United Kingdom or a part of the United Kingdom, and
(d) a person not within paragraph (a), (b) or (c) who maintains, and carries on activities through, an office, branch or agency or other stable arrangements in the United Kingdom,
....
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